theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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