everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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