I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Rumble strips road head = magical
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
