How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
