no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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