The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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