Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize