dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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