I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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