The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
