I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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