I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
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Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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