she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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