I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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