It's Friday. Sex?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
