Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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