Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
