Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
