Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
