pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
