and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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