I think im going to throw up on grandma
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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