You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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