I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
