he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
