Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
