We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
