New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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