The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
