dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
