I think my vagina is haunted
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
