You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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