That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
