we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
