KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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