So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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