I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
