id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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