I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
