I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
