he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
