remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
