I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
