She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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