note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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