just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
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Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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