woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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