he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
