they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
