peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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