he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
