Are we in a gay sports bar?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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