Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You work out of a Hotel?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
