If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
