she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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