I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
