I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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