you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
