It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
