tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
