Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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