I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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