Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
