The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
