What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
