I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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