Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
