The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
