I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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