I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
