I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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