My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
